Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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