we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
