he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
