I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
