There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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