last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
