I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
