Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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