Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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