i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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