3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
it hurts more in the daytime
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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