we have pet lesbian snakes
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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