Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
