That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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