I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
