he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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