my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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