woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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