she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
