It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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