Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
