I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
