She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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