giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
