perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
there is glitter all over my balls
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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