What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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