were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
