He uses pillows to masturbate.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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