Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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