I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
