don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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