i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
