i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
