I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
