I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
