So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
