What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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