Non-Jews are for practice
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
