elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
