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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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