Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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