First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
