Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He better not be in your backpack
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
