and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
