so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
