wat bout pragnant strippers??
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
