there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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