I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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