He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he shaved USA in his pubs
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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