I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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