You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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