Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
