He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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