i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
