Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
