Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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