You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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