I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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