Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
