I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
