I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
