You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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