i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
