One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Are my feet made of real feet?
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
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I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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