Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
