One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
