my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
