So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
