fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
