I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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