Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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