I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
