LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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