you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
