Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
