I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize