She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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