his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
