I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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