there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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