you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize