There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
