I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
