Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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