i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
