Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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