it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
