1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
