Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
