There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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