WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
